TEA LEAVES & DRAG QUEENS

SONG OF THE DAY: WARRANTED QUEEN – ARUM RAE

 

OH HEYYYYYYY! Sorry I didn’t get to you last week. Did ya miss me? OF COURSE YOU DID. D’UH.

I was bussaaayyyyyy! I (Pepper Moon) was asked to take part in The Wardrobe Exchange. It was a predominantly secondhand clothing experience with Edmonton’s fashion community selling the best of the best from their closets and small local boutiques selling new items at fantastic sale prices. I have shared this on my social media, but this is important to me, so ONE MORE TIME FOR THOSE IN THE BACK.

I have aways loved fashion and desperately wanted to express myself with my clothing, but in the past I seldom had that option. I would shop and attend events with my friends, dressing and styling them; unable to purchase anything for myself. No matter how much I wanted to take part, I always felt like I was on the outside looking in. This was the first time that I have legitimately been given the opportunity to be on the inside and it felt very poignant and moving to me.

I am fat.

I love fashion.

I am not alone.

We want the same things; beautiful, stylish, interesting pieces that allow us to align how we look with who we are and how we feel. It can be incredibly stifling and disheartening to experience a disconnect between the two.

Taking part in this event validated for me that I am right where I need to be, doing exactly what I’m supposed to be doing. Bringing clothes to the people. Clothes that we actually want to wear.

They are having another one in the fall and I hope to see you all there. If anyone is interested in having a booth of their own, you can apply here.

https://www.thewardrobeexchange.com/fall2019 

Yours Truly at The Wardrobe Exchange

The next day I took a tea leaf reading course with my friend Tasha. Who doesn’t want to learn that kind of stuff? We were told to really think about the questions we wanted answered before we started the reading. Mark and I have been talking a lot about closing our adoption file recently. We have been on a waitlist almost 5 years and it feels like it might be time. This one stings because the fact that we want children has not changed. But, unfortunately everything else around us has. We have been on this journey 10 years. 10 long years of waiting and wishing. There are so many things in life that we cannot control. The reminders of this have been painful and deep, especially in the last few years. But, what we can control is how much time we give and when to let go. It feels like we may have given enough of our love and life to this dream now. It might be time to start searching for our new dream. Every ending is a beginning, right?

So, of course all of the things that Tasha and I saw in my leaves referenced fertility and motherhood (yes I cried), but the symbols we saw didn’t just have one meaning. They also meant fresh starts, business ventures and new possibilities. THANKS A LOT TEA. Guess it’s back to living into our decisions. Only time will tell.

Found this. It helped a little 🙂

17000 feelings later and your gal was a bit out of sorts. What did I do? I got my mop lightened up and my brows redone! That’s what! Nothing like a bit of blond and a face tattoo to shift the ‘ol gears!

Who is she? What’s with the bolo tie?

THEN I went to see a drag show at the Hotel MacDonald! How amazing is that FANCY ASS  sentence?

Get on my level

Signature cocktails, delicious eggs benny, some of my favourite people and mind blowing DEATH DROPS. It was Mark’s first drag show and I watched him as much as I watched The Queens. Every time they came crashing down, Mark would reel back and then whisper…to himself… “that’s my favourite move.” I COULD NOT have been more entertained.

I have the absolute BEST VIDEO that I CANNOT post here because I am CHEAP AF and REFUSE to pay for the premium plan. Please go check it out on my Instagram @bloobadiblahbadi. It’s worth it.

Get you someone who will pinch your Miami Vice nipples in front of a fancy hotel

Ding Dongs & Fancy Digs

Awkward besticles 

I will leave you with a closer look at THE BOOTS. It’s like I heard you. You’re welcome.

The BOOTS

Your pal, Laura

Goose Eggs & Honky Tonks

SONG OF THE DAY: OUTLAW WOMEN – HANK WILLIAMS JR

So I started last week at the gym because I’m really in need of a routine and once I get there, it feels good. I made myself a playlist for my upcoming ladies weekend and I decided to take it for a spin. DANNNNG. I was really feelin’ it. I kept it in my pants until my stretch sesh at the end. Chaka brought my hips out of retirement and things got downright LEWD. When I came to and realized the gifts I had just bestowed upon Fit 4 Less, I gave out “you’re welcomes” like they were waffles.

You’re welcome

My furry angel love had another ear infection – ongoing issues due to the garbage people that DID NOT look after her before they dropped her off at the shelter and INTO OUR HEARTS. Don’t even get me started. In spite of what she has been through, she is so trusting. She does so well at the vet, they refer to her as a stuffed animal cause she lets you do just about anything and then wants a snuggle. UGH, my heart.

My furry angel love

As we were leaving, I pulled perhaps the most Laura Bullshit I have in a long ass time. I was so focused on getting the baby into the car that I LITERALLY OPENED THE DOOR ON MY HEAD. Like THWACK. You have that moment where you are equal parts “Holy shit my BRAINS/Am I gonna pass out?/DID ANYONE SEE?” I’m immediately trying to act super normal; “nothin’ to see here folks.” Unless there is, then “HELP ME, I’M DUMB.” I was fine, but the goose egg was real my friends. If I had a regular sized forehead, I may have smoked myself right in the eyeball, but thanks to my fivehead, the door connected squarely with the middle of my rock hard melon. SHOUT OUT TO ALL MY BIGHEADS.

I wish I had a cinderella story to share about bowling last week, but your girl was just ho-hum. I mean, she may have had a concussion so I’m giving her a break.

On Friday my oldest friend in the whole wide world picked me up and were on our way to Calgary for our pals birthday. I love those friendships that ebb and flow and pick up right where you left off.  No judgement, no “where have you been?” Just, “I’ve missed you.” I think the older you get, the more you appreciate those friendships that just let you be you and the friends that are happy to have you no matter what.

So we were just GAB.BLAB.BLABBING X 1000 and we get about 30 mins out of the city when my pal yells “I DIDN’T GET GAS.” Oh, she’s on empty folks. 99 kms outside of Red Deer and a whiff of gas between us and taking this story up a shitshow. I type “gas station” in the ‘ol google maps and what have we here…Millet?

Millet y’all

Delightfully clean bathroom, a well stocked selection of snacks, lovely staff with purple hair & GAS. Well played Millet Petro-Can. Well played.

Back on the road and Kim gets a little rammy. Flicking open compartments in her ride, showing me all the gadgets. In the middle of this, she all of a sudden CANNOT handle the Pringles canister gently touching her arm and tosses it into the ABYSS of the backseat. OUT OF SNACK ATTACK REACH. I tell her that just won’t do and then she HAND TALKS her phone off the dash and onto the floor. At this point I’m all “WTF BRAH?” and we are laughing so hard that I am honking and she is crying. Just like that we are 16 again.

We were supposed to meet Bobbi at Cross Iron Mills for some shopping. We get there a bit early and decide to clean ourselves up a bit. Doing your makeup in the car on a sunny day is either the best or the worst idea. If you want to see EVERYTHING, like apparently the moustache you didn’t know you had, go for it. If you would like to live in a world blissfully unaware of your moustache DO NOT DO IT.  We met Bobbi inside, hugged it out and comfortably fell back into the ease of old friendship. We laughed about how we have always been so different and to look at us, you’d agree. We wander in and out of stores talking about what we are going to wear when we go out. Bob looks down at Kim’s feet and asks “are those the only shoes you brought?” HAHAHAHAHA. Yes, they are. Don’t worry, Kim got hooked up with some FANCY ASS SNEAKS.

We get to Bob’s and remember how it’s HER birthday? In true Bob fashion, she has put together the most thoughtful gifts for each of us that include our old school Body Shop favs – vanilla for me, satsuma for Kim and these thoughtful little books where she has written all the reasons why we are friends. Anyone who knows Bob knows that’s just how she rolls.

We head out to Japanese Village to drink buckets of sesame sauce and to threaten Bob for the ENTIRE evening that we are going to tell them it’s her birthday. The adorable and hilarious man cooking the food that I am using as a vehicle for that HEAVENLY SAUCE has somehow guessed that it’s her bday. He keeps trying to get us to admit it which was quite honestly pushing her stress meter into hive territory.

Eating all the things at Japanese Village

We ate too much – SHOCKER & stayed up way too late. I eventually slept like the angel that I am and we made it to our pedicure the next morning with 14 seconds to spare. Quick pit stop to pick up a Finishing Touch Flawless Hair Remover for the moustache I am now painfully aware of, eat more, watch some WHL hockey and take a nap. Then we get all doodied up for our night on the town to Ranchman’s. We were going to get a limo cause “DON’T YOU KNOW WHO WE ARE?” but settle for Sam’s mini van. I request to be dropped off at the front door of the bar so that people can watch in anticipation as those van doors sllooowwwwlllllyyyyyyy slide open and reveal US IN ALL OUR OLD LADY HILLBILLY GLORY. They aren’t having it. RUDE.

Has anyone been to Ranchman’s? Its like Cook County, but bigger and with triples on special. AHHHH SHIT. We find a VIP area with only a few people in it. The bouncer tells us it’s not booked and we are welcome to it. I offer to make it weird so the stragglers dissipate. No need. When 40 year old women are loaded and perfecting the floss in a country bar, people willingly choose not to be associated. We two stepped, line danced, flossed and got right shit canned. It was delightful.

The gals

I would like to take a moment to thank the Denny’s super bird, Life Brand Electrolytes and Gravol for allowing me to wake up from 5 hours of sleep WITHOUT A HANGOVER. Guys, don’t go to bed drunk without electrolytes EVER AGAIN. Just waltz yourself into Shoppers Drug Mart, get sidetracked by the lip gloss and then head straight to the isle promising to heal all your bowel and belly issues. Grab 100 boxes and then sashay out them doors and into your new life. YOU. ARE. WELCOME.

We then went to Bobbi’s son’s hockey game. That’s right! Your aunties are here and they are LOUD & EMBARRASSING! Guess what???? HE SCORED AND WE ALL FLIPPED THE FUCK OUT. Like screaming and tossing nachos and cheese around like we are millionaires and they didn’t cost $50. It was the absolute icing on the cake of the perfect weekend.

My blessed nachos & cheese

A giant coffee for the ride home, 10 hours sleep and she’s as good as new! Thanks for the good times friends!

Your pal, Laura

TURKEYS, DUCKS & MELTY CHEESE

SONG OF THE DAY: SWEET THANG – SHUGGIE OTIS

I’M JUST GONNA CUT TO THE CHASE WITH THE BOWLING CAUSE I KNOW YOU’RE HERE FOR IT. Accidental caps lock is staying BECAUSE I WAS TRULY MAGNIFICENT LAST WEEK. I’m not exaggerating to make the story more exciting (I never/ABSOLUTELY do that for sure, but not this time). Okay, so the first game was a mediocre (my forte) 144. THEN I started to PULL IT OUT and was getting disgustingly close to 200 so guess what I did? I FUCKED IT UP ON MY LAST ROLL AND ONLY HIT ONE PIN LIKE A REAL JACKASS and ended up with a 194.

BUT THENNNN I BOWLED THE GAME OF MY LIFE. I was just sparing it up like a champ and BAM I got a strike, then another strike and then EVERY DANNNNNG PIN EXCEPT THE LAST TEETERING PIECE OF SHIT WENT DOWN. I bet all of you are like “wow, that must have been really frustrating for her, but she is so wonderfully chill that I bet she just said SHUCKS, giggled and then sat down.”

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I DID NOT.

Instead I literally dropped to my knees and said “MOTHERFUCKKKEERRRRRRRR.” LOUD. Then I dragged myself to the pony wall, clawed my way way up and threw myself over it with my head in my hands. SHE HAS NO CHILL. When I had finally collected myself, I proceeded to get 2 more strikes in a row – NOT THREE, AND ENDED UP WITH A 247!

Lets recap. If I would have hit like 2 more pins down in the second game I would have GOT THAT FRIGGEN 200 PIN RIGHT THEN AND THERE. In the third game I got 2 strikes in a row, then WHAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN A STRIKE IF THAT LEFT DICK PIN WOULD HAVE GONE DOWN (I’m coming for you, you little prick) and followed that with another 2 strikes – meaning I could have got both my turkey (XXX) and duck (XXXX) pin if I could have just GOT IT TOGETHER. I ended up with a score of 247, which is 3 off of the 250 pin!

So your girl did get her 200 pin this time around and she was super chuffed about it believe you me, but….SHE WAS SO CLOSE SHE COULD TASTE THE TURKEY, DUCK, 200 & 250 BUFFET and was instead FORCED to settle for a light 200 snack which honestly when I think about it makes me both hungry and HANGRY. But, I have decided to just bask in the glow of my awesomeness instead of dwelling on the coulda/shoulda/woulda/WHY’S. NEW PHONE, WHO DIS?

We went for late eats at the Artery after bowling because an old friend of Mark’s was having a taco pop up. Have I ever typed more glorious words? TACO POP UP. That’s the shit dreams are made of people. First of all, she was so kind and just so genuinely happy to see Mark and meet me that I got the warm and fuzzies. Mark is such a wonderful human being and to know him is to love him. When someone has missed you like that it means they really know you. They see you. We should all be so lucky. Second, the food was HOLY CRAP GOOD. So good in fact that our teammate went home and made up a batch of her own refried beans. Don’t sleep on the next one pals.

The Pin

I also had lunch with a friend at her office and met some of her coworkers. It feels like a million years ago that I used to work in an office. I love what I am doing now and it feel very much like right place, right time, but I miss a lot about my old job. The biggest part being the people. I miss working with the teens and supporting them and watching them navigate life and I miss laughing with my coworkers and just shooting the shit. What did I say last week about being nostalgic as all hell? Guess it’s all aboard the REMINISCE EXPRESS. I was happy at the time, but it’s always much easier to look back with appreciation than really enjoy it in the moment. That’s something I’m working on right now; taking a breath and letting myself sink into the joy of the present. I’m either focused on my past; the mistakes often get stuck on a loop or I look back with rose coloured glasses. Or my future; spending my time living out all my possible paths. Sometimes it feels really good to get your feet on the ground and look around at all the “now” we have to be thankful for.

Then I had my mum over for dinner cause I love her and cause I needed a steak like I DESPERATELY NEED the warmth of the sun. I just wanna dip the ‘ol bits and bobs in the open water, feel the waves lapping this soft bod. I am LUSTING after summer – sunsets on patios, picnics, cocktails, road trips, sandals, rolling around in grass, dancing until 5am in my backyard, letting my true boozebag out. Are we all feeling this? I used to be all about Fall, but I look forward to summer now the way I did as a kid. It feels like freedom. If BBQ is the closest I can get for now, I WILL TAKE IT.

I also got to spend International Women’s Day with one of my favourite women. Catching up, laughing, eating hot, melty cheese and thrifting. That is the good stuff my friends. We went to a Mexican restaurant in Sherwood Park called La Patrona (Patrona, not Patronus you Potter nerds). It was SO GOOD. I love Mexican food and I’m always looking for THE BEST (gimme suggestions please) Mexican restaurant. I think I found it. We ordered like three meals each because we couldn’t decide and even then felt sad every time food came out of the kitchen for someone else because we wanted that too. The waitress seemed CON.CERN.ED. with the mass of food we were ordering and tried to “maybe a half order” us. LISTEN LADY, this isn’t our first rodeo and we will eat a lot right now and then we will take whatever scraps are left and eat it again for dinner. Leftovers are life.

The melty cheese

We ended the week with some date night bowling. Surprise…we were NOT great. Our neighbours delightful children also dropped off a box of tasty donuts for no other reason than they think we are pretty rad (assumption) which we then proceeded to eat in the hot tub because we are GROWN ASS ADULTS.

Me with tasty donuts

For any of you following along with my plus size pop up shop PEPPER MOON, I will be taking part in The Wardrobe Exchange on March 22 & 23. It is a secondhand shopping experience with the best of the best being sold from the closets of Edmonton’s fashion community. It will also include some small local boutiques/shops like mine selling NEW items at sale prices. My booth will have size 1X-3X (some XL) items. I will be selling off stock at reduced prices AND I will feature some BRAND NEW items that you haven’t seen at the pop ups yet. I am told that there will be booths with S-XL clothing and a few booths selling size 12-16 and others up to 18. There will will also be some great deals on jewellery and accessories. Proceeds from the ticket sales will be going to the Bissell Centre. Friday night is sold out, but you can still get tickets for Saturday @ www.thewardrobeexchange.com. If you follow me on Instagram @pepper.moon.yeg, you still have time to enter the draw for two VIP tickets for Friday night. I will be doing the draw tomorrow. Don’t miss out!

Your pal, Laura

STILL GOT IT

SONG OF THE DAY: RUNNIN’ – HEARTLESS BASTARDS

 

I got my own membership at the gym last week because I am an only child and it feels like a personal attack when I have to share. Honestly, it was getting annoying to plan around each others schedules and believe me I don’t need another reason not to go. I have only been once so far because I’ve been busy…and other super good excuses. I do love it when I get there though. I am just really struggling to have any sort of schedule right now. If I don’t plan it and actually write it in my daytimer (oh yeah, keepin’ it old school), I just won’t do it. I’m not too worried about it though. I’ll get there.

I started the week by meeting for lunch with an old friend and her little one. I must be feeling nostalgic because I’m all about reconnecting with people from my past right now. Sometimes you meet with old friends and you realize that all you have is the past; you reminisce and move on. But, it is really lovely when you can meet up and talk about what is new and find some common ground in the now. It was also the first time that I met with a friend with a baby and didn’t get upset after. No matter how happy I am for someone, it would always bring some sadness for me. No tears this time. Don’t worry though, I still cried a bunch of other times this week (FEELINGS amiright?)

I know you are all waiting with baited breath to hear if our balls brought us the kind of joy that only being better than everyone else can (jk?) Wait for it…THEY DID NOT. I absolutely refuse to just turn on these spherical angels yet though. Let ya girl have a warm up! We may not have bowled scores that our parents could be proud of, BUT people were impressed with our balls true and natural beauty and it may have distracted them slightly from our mediocre level of skill (SCORE!) We bowled against a really fun team too. I love when we all cheer for each other and laugh about random shit. That’s exactly what I’m looking for in a beer league. Good times pin pals!

Oh, then I had one of those days where a bunch of little things go wrong that have you screaming “WHAT IN THE FRESH HELL IS THIS?” every 3-5 minutes. I had an appointment with a new accountant so I got all my paperwork together and put it right at the front door the night before. I left the house on time to meet him, hit the 50th Street train (SO WE MEET AGAIN YA DICK), made a detour…still on time. Only to realize that I FORGOT MY FUCKING PAPERWORK. I spewed some truly foul (and rather impressively composed) language, sent him a voicemail and an email before turning around to get my shit. I pull up to my house right when I am supposed to be at my appointment which flips a switch in me – told you there were tears this week. I FINALLY wheel up to his office 20 MINUTES LATE. UGH. I run in and meet the receptionist who just stares at me and says “he’s still in his last meeting.” BWAHAHAHAHAHA WHAT? OH SNAP. He felt totally bad about it when he finished the meeting 5 minutes later and was super apologetic about running late. I feel like there is a lesson in there somewhere. One about me letting things go that I can’t control. (Ya think?) MAN ALIVE I let things get to me. Situations, other peoples behaviour, my reactions. I play things over and over in my head, think of things I should have said or done. More than anything I wish I could just give things the time they deserve and move on. Anyone have some ideas on how to redirect or work through those feelings? Anything working for you? Don’t worry fiends, (typo – I’m leaving it) I’ll revisit this and overthink it later I’m sure.

Then I was all “I should check out Super Store. I never go there.” (GET ON MY LEVEL PEOPLE). I went in for castor oil and sesame oil, so obviously my first order of business was waltzing myself into the clothing section. I found this black, (surprise) minimal button up dress and took 2 sizes into the change room because d’uh. I put one on and it immediately stuck to me with what I can only describe as the most unsettling and aggressive level of static cling I may have ever endured. I FROZE with the fear of knowing I will inevitably be shocked to HIGH HEAVEN upon touching metal. It literally clung to me in such a fashion that any remnants of it’s flowing simplicity had been lost as it shape shifted into a spandex sausage casing. I peeled it off only to put on the size up and have the SAME FUCKERY HAPPEN. I literally tried on these two dresses 4 times each trying to decide what size to get because I had absolutely no idea what they looked like and because I like to live on the edge of a knife apparently. I was so electrically charged by this point that I could have lit a lightbulb with my ass. Long story long, I took a chance and bought that sausage casing. I also preemptively screamed as I reached for the doorknob. Sorry not sorry.

I made a quick stop on my way home to pick up some new lipstick because I’m a redhead now and I needed to update my shit. I grabbed a couple different colours of peach/pink, told the lady I did NOT need a receipt when she asked and headed home. I unpacked my groceries, checked my receipt from Superstore to find I had been charged twice for a $20 item and then opened one of my new matte lipshits and the top cracked and completely broke off. EYE ROLL FOREVER.

Saturday we went to a housewarming for our neighbours who moved away (rude). It feels like the end of an era, but it was nice to have everyone together again. They are really happy and that makes me really happy. They also made the most BOMB GUAC I’ve ever eaten. There was feta on top. YES. FETA MY DUDES. I will need to get the recipe and then say a heartfelt goodbye to all other foods – It was truly a pleasure knowing you.

Then, we met up with a couple friends at Blues on Whyte because I miss my out of town pals and I was having a really good hair day. I drank all the whisky, tried to buy us tequila, was talked down to a Burt Reynolds and then we made asses of ourselves on the dance floor. We didn’t want the night to end so we settled on a super bird because it’s 2004. Got in the Uber only to find out that Denny’s was closed for some TERRIBLE AND UNREASONABLE reason. We went to my pals house instead where we stuffed our faces with pizza and Mark and I made everyone listen to the Heartless Bastards while we lamented over the good old days. Hi, it’s your Grandma & Grandpa and we are here to bore you and talk with our mouths full.

I woke up Sunday with a legit hangover – HELLO OLD FRIEND.

I watched house shows, ate Taco Bell for every meal and rounded out the day in the hot tub. If that isn’t the hangover cure of a seasoned champ then I just don’t know what is. STILL GOT IT.

Your pal, Laura

 

 

 

 

Tubby Tubbin’

SONG OF THE DAY: SALTWATER – GEOWULF

I had been feeling pretty disconnected and isolated for a while because well, I had isolated myself. My dad had passed away after a long illness and I was sad, lost and just felt nothing like myself. When you feel like that, being around people is tough. I was trying to be the person they knew and it felt like a lot of pressure when I just couldn’t be.

In the last few months, I have felt the walls I built start to come down. I am aware of myself again. I feel like I can breathe. With that comes more pain, but it also means that I have wants and needs again. Ones that can be met. It feels like returning to myself, but knowing that self isn’t the one from my past.

I have been dying my hair red since I was 12 years old and when my dad got sick I didn’t feel like me so I didn’t want to look like me. I started changing my hair, went pink, purple, blue, back to purple. It felt good to look different and take a break from me. But, last week I knew it was time to go red again. I thought it would feel like going home.

I was excited to do it and I kept finding pictures to bring to my stylist. The first time I saw myself red, I freaked out. It felt so damn weird to look in the mirror and see that person. It felt really uncomfortable. My heart was racing. It felt like a wig and I wanted to take it off. But I took a deep breath and told myself that it was super fitting to be going back in time today because Snoop was in town. Not just Snoop, but BONE THUGS AND WARREN G too. FOR REALZ. WHAT FRIGGEN YEAR IS IT MY DUDES?

It was absolutely ridiculous. By far my favourite part of the evening was watching Mark go through all the emotions realizing that he had been sleeping on Bone Thugs, that they actually rule and that I’d been right all along. “Dear Diary, my wife is so much smarter than me forever and ever, amen!”

Then I had a movie night with my mum. I really wanted to watch Dumplin (3 times so far for me) with her. Not because my mum is anything like Jennifer Aniston’s character, but because it’s such a great movie with an even better soundtrack. I’m the sappy one so I cried, again (OBVI) and my mum had a feeling or two. We also ate the entire thruple of cheese blocks I brought with me.

The next day I met up with a new friend. It is not easy to meet people and make new friends as an adult. It feels like dating again. “I think she’s cool. Does she think I’m cool? We could be friends. Could we be friends? Is it weird to ask a stranger to hang out? I’m weird. It’s fine.” – me to myself.  Apparently I’m super into making myself uncomfortable lately. Except it wasn’t weird or uncomfortable at all. We went to the Antique Mall and wandered around, dug through the old photos, I bought pottery (SHOCKER), she bought petit point (ADORBS). Then we went for coffee and donuts and talked for hours. Such a great day.

I also figured out what may have made me lose my marbles at the sight of my freshly dyed red hairs.

It looks like the hair of every SINGLE ONE OF THE CURLY HAIRED DOLLS I HAD GROWING UP. I immediately texted this to my mum who replied “How come you are spazzing again? Did the cheese give you nightmares?” Perhaps mum. Perhaps. But I ain’t mad at it. I’m actually getting on board with this Raggedy Ann realness.

Mark and I went and tried out our new ballzzz on Friday night. We wanted to give them a spin before league play because we care about our team and wouldn’t mind looking less like idiots if at all possible (more from column B).

GET ON OUR LEVEL WITH THESE SPACEY 70’S DREAM LOVERS.

We bowled 9 FUCKING GAMES PEOPLE. We were there till like 1 in the morning. I bowled more consistently, but the headline was Mark! The man bowled a 245 with a turkey (XXX) on the last frame! WHO IS THIS SEXUAL TREASURE OF BOWLING DESIRE? It actually made me love him more. NO JOKE. So, we will see if he can keep up this level of  TOO HOT on Wednesday. GOOD LORT I HOPE SO.

Then Mark decided to live my nightmare and go ice fishing with his buds. I simply cannot with this cold weather camping/shitting in a bucket bullshit. I am too old for that. I no longer have anything to prove. I instead invited 2 of my best boys over for another rendition of Tubby Tubbin’ where we drink all the drinks, talk about ours and everyone else’s lives, solve problems, create problems, talk about past crushes, dive into our thoroughly embarrassing youth and then make ourselves sick sitting in the hot tub until 4am. The highlight of the evening was when I was gifted this gem “Laura, you’re OF the gays.” I am currently trying to work that into my resume.

I finished off the week by attending a friends nomination meeting to become the official NDP candidate for Strathcona/Sherwood Park – so proud of you Moira! It is pretty moving to watch people you care about invest in making change.

Don’t worry, I absolutely DID watch the Oscars and absolutely DID NOT miss Billy Porter sashaying all over fragile masculinity or Spike Lee and Samuel L. Jackson sharing a super genuine and lovely moment that culminated in what I refer to as the “Bachelor Hug” (take notes bachelorettes). That was the absolute cherry on my cheesecake this week.

Your pal, Laura

Pin Pals

SONG OF THE DAY: THEY SAY I’M DIFFERENT – BETTY DAVIS

So as part of this really listening to myself, I have also decided to actually do the things I’m thinking about, not just think about them obsessively and then talk myself out of them in a rather “impressive” (-my therapist) fashion.  The result of this has been to totally flip large parts of my life completely upside down. NEAT! FUN! YAY! (terrifying, I know nothing, what the fuck am I doing?)

I decided to actually follow through with an idea I have had for 14 years and started a business called Pepper Moon. I curate new plus size clothing and accessories that I sell at pop ups about once per month in Edmonton, AB with the help of my incredible family and friends.

I have always used fashion as a way to express myself. Even when I was a shy kid, bullied and unsure of myself, I still insisted on wearing fluorescent pants and white leather fringed boots. IT WAS A LOOK! As I learned who I was and found my confidence, my style shifted and became more defined. But, my options were limited and the inability to feel like ME definitely effected my self-esteem. Encouraging people to find themselves, to be themselves and to love themselves as they are. That my friends, is what makes me happy and it is what I am hoping to do with Pepper Moon.

I am going to be taking part in a sale coming up on March 22 & 23 for those of you in Edmonton. I’ll post more about it next week.

DRINK IT IN.

RIGHT DOWN TO THE SOCKS Y’ALL.

It feels like I’m on to something here and so I’m really trying to do things to fill my life up instead of focusing on the painful gaps and holes. It’s a constant learning and the voice in my head fluctuates wildly between “You’re so awesome. You can do anything” and “You literally know less than nothing. What is wrong with you?”

But hey, balance is key, right?

I also realized that I had stopped being social and that I really needed to get out of my head and my house so I joined a bowling league with my husband, my high school boyfriend and his girlfriend. They asked us to join at the end of last season because their other team members couldn’t commit to the last few weeks. Mark and I showed up and FUCKING DOMINATED.

We were so good that our scores pulled us out of last place and we ended up winning the “B” league. King of the losers baby!

The Pin Pals experiencing their own personal versions of UTTER BLISS upon receiving the coveted title.

GRAB YER BALLS BABE, LET’S BOWL.

Naturally, we were invited to play the next season with them. We renamed our ramshackle bunch the Pin Pals and were ready to take these low rollers by FORCE. THE FORCE OF OUR BALLS. But, we were SO BAD. Like so bad that the host asked me if I “bowled LIKE THAT to get a better handicap.” True story. BWAHAHAHAHA. That’s not embarrassing at all.

We decided that the reason we are the absolute worst (all of a sudden) is because the balls are different sizes and weights so it is impossible to be consistent (just give me this). We did a bunch of research and decided that the only way to fix this mess was to get ourselves our own balls. DRESS FOR THE LIFE YOU WANT. Mark and I found some discontinued beauties on the internet and we felt like no skill + discontinued balls were a match made in heaven. I’ll keep you posted when they arrive and on our inevitable PIN SPLINTERING RISE TO THE TOP.

So last week, love it or hate it, was Valentine’s Day. I don’t know about you guys, but we don’t do presents for holidays (although I LURVVVEE A CARD). I also have no interest in being squeezed into a restaurant where every time I try to leave my seat I end up dragging my ass awkwardly/seductively (there is no right or wrong way, amiright?) across your table. I might as well just drop it there – “can I interest you in this tasty side dish?” BAM!

Mark came up with the perfect plan! We went and saw the Princess Bride at the Metro. They had beer and little noisy makers to blow whenever that turd Humperdinck came on screen. It was actually the best. I love that movie. Then we went to Dairy Queen. Anybody want a peanut (buster parfait)? Holy crap I’m hilarious.

Until next week…

Your (pin) pal, Laura

A Song is Never Just Sad.

Song of the Day: My Silver Lining – First Aid Kit

 

It’s been a while my friends. So much has happened that when I look back all I see is a wash of colour with these flashes of memory or moments in time. I am sure that I will share more when I can find a way to filter it all so that it’s healing for me and helpful to you.

I will say this. The clarity you are gifted when you are finally able to pull yourself out of the depths of a heartbreaking and devastating loss, can provide you with some of the most uncomfortable and powerful growth of your life.

I feel profoundly different, but more like myself than ever before.

I have started to participate in my life again and I’m giving you a front row seat to my mediocre content and questionable life choices. You’re welcome.

Your pal, Laura

 

Honestly.

Hello my friends. I am sorry that you haven’t received any posts from me for a while. But, honestly, I really needed to take a break. I have been trying to figure out what to share, how much to share, if I should share. What I realized is that I need to. That is the reason I started the blog in the first place.

 
In the beginning it was mostly fashion and over time it has morphed into more of a running commentary on my life. It has become almost like a journal. It keeps me accountable, gets me out and about and encourages me to tell all y’all what I think about anything and everything…sometimes in YELLY, ALL CAPS. But, it just hasn’t been something that I feel excited to sit down and do lately. I wish it was. But, I’m somewhere else right now.

The following words look too simple and impossibly small.
My dad is sick.
But, they are the truth and in reality, they are breaking my heart.

When I think about what could have been, what should have been.
When I think about my dad, when I think about my mum.
When I think about the kids that haven’t come.

 
The tears begin to fall.

 
Sometimes they burn my cheeks with hot anger that makes me spit and swear.
Other times I lay quietly, just letting them roll down onto my pillow.
These aren’t things I can change. These aren’t things I can control.

I just want to be with my parents. I want to make things easier. I want to show them how much I care. I want to hold my hubby and my fur babies. I want to have time to feel whatever I am feeling;

to cry,
to sleep,
to breathe.

 
I am doing my best to blink the tears away while I hold on tight to memories, to hope, to the love in my life.

I know you will understand, because you are awesome.
I’ll be back. I swear. I just need some time.

What I wore today was… an easy, breezy, chiffon box.

Song of the day: It Was So Easy Then – Carly Simon

These have been a rough couple of weeks. There is so much going on that I am finding it hard to quiet my brain. It’s like my mind is always spinning and twisting, consciously trying to work through things, subconsciously redirecting me or actively trying to change my thoughts. This coupled with doing my damnedest to be effective at work and support all my girls is really exhausting. It makes me want to flop on the couch as soon as I get home and fill my mind with hours of garbage TV, even though I know I should be doing something else. It’s such a weird feeling to have an exhausted mind, but a body that wants to be busy.

So…I decided to join a gym.

It has been the best decision that I have made in a long time. I am so focused on my blaring WERK IT mix and trying not to catch my footing and doing the straight splits before being tossed off the treadmill directly into the nice elderly gentleman just trying to WORK ON HIS FITNESS that my brain is incapable of anything else. I actually went three days in a row last week and I didn’t dread it at all. In fact, I have really been looking forward to it.

Fingers crossed I am able to stay in the groove.

This shirt is my new favourite. FUCK FLATTERING. This odd, boxy, short green goodness is interesting and super easy to wear. I don’t often go to Pennington’s because it’s not really my style, but I will stop in every now and again to hit up their end of season sales for basics and undies. I perused the 50% off rack like my cheap ass do and I found this baby and a great sweater that I’ll post about soon.

The tunic is from modcloth and the boots were a YAASSSSSSS!!!!! THESE LOOK LIKE THE BOOTS OF MY LE CHATEAU 90’S TEENAGE DREAMS purchase from forever21.

It even has giant see-thru chiffon pockets! I shit you not!

These cute wooden shades were also from forever21. Hot damn I like a cheap pair o’ sunnies!

I hope this week treats you right. Treats us all right.

I got all up in…my bathroom. Again.

Song of the day: What’s Up – 4 Non Blondes

I don’t know about you, but when life is heavy and I am feeling tired and sad, I start fixating on things like the stain on my bathroom floor. Every time I went in there, it was all I could see. It’s my brains way of saying “hey lady, let’s take a break from all the hard stuff and instead spend all our energy OBSESSING about something completely superficial. Something you actually have control over.”

I always start BIG. At first, I want to rip out everything, right down to the studs. NOTHING ELSE WILL MAKE ME HAPPY. IT’S ALL CRAP. When I close my eyes at night I think about the demo, what colour I will paint, what tile I will use and all the random shit I am going to buy to gussy it all up until sleep finally takes me.

I gab on incessantly AT my husband about what I want to do. His face gets all scrunchy. I interrupt nice, happy moments of cuddly silence with “BUT, what if we do this? What if I do it myself? What if…What if…” His face gets all scrunchy.

Then reality sets in. Money, time, blah, blah, blah. Money.

Okay, what is really bugging me about the bathroom? The floor. I have all kinds of conversations with myself… “Is it worth it to rip out the vinyl and then pay someone to tile the floor? No. “What about those sticky tiles? What would I even get? Is that what I want? No.

Then I get creative… “Can I paint the floor?” Hours of research about products. Change my mind about the colour over and over. Is this a good idea? No.

At some point my brain starts getting oxygen again and I somehow manage to convince myself that it just needs a little tszuj (In the fashion world, it means to make something better, generally by tweaking or quirking it to better fit what it’s supposed to do both functionally and artistically. It is very hard to pronounce, and even harder to spell, many times often misspelled ‘jujj’ or ‘jooj’. Pronounced “zhuj”, by the way. – Urban Dictionary)

So I break it down. I am going to need a BOLD ASS shower curtain, a plant, some bits, something to cover the stain on the floor. I call up my buddy and explain that I’m a spaz. D’uh. She buys me lunch and wanders around the stores with me. (Thanks besticle). I can’t find the shower curtain of my dreams. I can’t find the curtain of my dreams (this has nothing to do with the fact that I don’t actually have any idea what I am in fact looking for). I grab a metal stand that will work for a plant. I shove a random piece of agate crystal into my cart. I wander over to the bowls and kitchen gadgets (cause I’m a wanderer) and just happen upon the table cloths. DANNNNGGGGGGG GIIRRRRLLLLLL. THIS IS IT!!!!!!!!!!!!! “Laura, that’s a table cloth.” “Nah buddy, this is my shower curtain!”

I wake up the next morning with FUCKING PURPOSE. I scrub the shit out of my bathroom. Get the hubby to help me hang the curtain. I place the stand and grab the perfect plant from the kitchen. I decide I don’t like the knobs on the vanity and remember that I bought some GIGANTOR ones from Ikea that I never ended up using for a different project. I fill the holes, end up repainting the whole vanity, get the new knobs on. Move this here; add those to that, put that there…and I’m DONE.

I step back and admire the room. I shut the door, open the door. Shut the door, go to another room, come back and open the door. AAAHHHHHHHH. I LOVE IT.
What have I learned? That sometimes you just have to let go and embrace the little vacation that your mind has planned for you. A vacation from life. Also, that I’m a handful.

This is what the bathroom looked like when we bought the house. Taupe/brown/blah/boo.

First round of renovations. Getting there.

AFTER!!!!! Oh man alive do I love a before and after!

BOLD ASS shower curtain and perfect plant.

Details. Inclusive of poo-pourri.

You can find these rad handles here.

Agate crystal.

Now, do you have anything that needs a little tszuj?